April 2026

The promises of spring: buds of tulips peek out more confidently every day. I think, in Minnesota, the spring makes jokes with bits of winter and summer. The beauty of it all: keep going.

It's been four months since I have been working on rebuilding my legs. Still, hurdles remain. The catheter device in my left thigh remains irksome. I bruised my foot on my squat bar (yes, how ironic!), so the Universe tells me to, of course, be creative with the seeds I sow. When the physical body is challenged, the natural choice may be to "rise above" the challenge, but I feel like my body has told me, "I'm with you, but I can only do so much." What seed did I ignore to be told that this isn't working out like I thought?

Chronic pain can feel confusing and lonely. Not only are my legs trying to re-establish their muscle memory, but my stomach is also exhausted. This isn't anything new, though. It's been a lifelong condition that I never knew to be more than allergies, sore throats, and chronic inflammation until about fifteen years ago when I was told I had IBS. And things started to make much more sense for all the times that I was told as a kid to "take your Pepto Bismol."

At the end of the month, I will have a stomach procedure done to purge all the stomach acid that has sat in my stomach since September, and before then, since December 2023, and many times before then. All the -ozoles and the Pepto Bismols and Gaviscons and related supplements and prescriptions throughout the years have alleviated the pain, but longer story short, Western medicine has not had an answer, but Ayurvedic medicine has given more promise. The seeds we choose to sow, even through the mud of spring, should be sustainable to weather the storm.

Stresses are all around us, but when they become constant inside of us, we need to reassess and trust the unknown. The unknown is our security for change. It's how we can create without constant struggles that go beyond rejection letters or the revisions that we all apprehend but look forward to because we know, in that space, that we are doing what our creative spirits are calling us to do.

When you feel that "irk" in the gut, what is your intuition telling you? Give it space to grow strongly and see what come through the mud.